chill pill popper

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To love of all kinds, cheers y’all! Happy 2014!

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
Nelson Mandela

these are the facts:
cigarettes will kill you
yes does not always mean yes
how kind you are to people
sometimes does not matter
coffee is bad for you
8 hours of sleep should not be a goal
it should always be a reality
green vegetables will keep you
young for as long as you eat them
nothing will ever be as beautiful
as your solitude
breathing deeply can calm you down
in any situation
mediation will center you
but only for a short time
love will hold you together
when you are falling apart

Esperanza Friel, “The Truth”

I remember little things and I miss you. I remember Dad and miss him and wish to sit on his lap right now, a daddy’s girl that I am, and ask questions that are unsolved in my soul right now. I want to know what he might know and might not know about the “little things”. I want to enter into a man’s brain and heart because all is blurry on this woman’s anatomy. I want to know from his point of view what would be the best action to do or thought to think or emotion to feel because I honestly don’t know anything concrete at this moment. I hope he’s watching over my overflowing and fragile state. I feel sad for I am confused. I am confused for I am undecided. However strange it sounds, I knew I craved for this. I wanted this.

The first one is empty. The second is half-full. I’ve felt the first kind of sadness not so long ago, in a state of hopelessness in a place called black hole. The waves of today have ferried me to the second kind. I wanted this and I am grateful of where I am. I am learning more and more in this unknown shore everyday and internalize golden realizations that can never be grasped with mere joy all the way. This pain has brought me closer to the people with visible shoulders to lean on, diverse words to ponder over, silent gestures to be thankful for, reliable presence to explore when absence lingers. It is, when the sun had come to set and rest, the best experience that I can hold on and call home.

So let the happiness bleed. Let the sorrow bloom. And then that’s when I feel the most alive.